Such a badass. Seriously. You are such a badass. Have you ever given to charity? I bet you have. You look like the 'badass with a heart of gold' sort to me. All showy and walking down the street with that Stallone-esque grimace on your tough-as-nails face, but secretly you spend time with sick kids. It's really commendable.\n\nSeriously.\n\n[[If you have never given to charity, turn to page 67234|67234]].\n\n[[If you want to just strut down the street, celebrating that the game is over, now is your time|win]].
You quit the game, and it's time to go back to your regular old life. Girls won a Golden Globe, and so you figure that maybe it's time to watch Girls, and see if Lena Dunham really is the voice of a generation.\n\n<html><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QyyuM3CzSs">GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS!</a></html>
You jump! It feels kind of cool and exciting. You're a bit of a maverick for having beaten up the traditional entry point, and to be perfectly honest, you're feeling pretty proud of yourself.\n\n<<display 'ladder'>>
You are now loading up a Twine game from Porpentine's game jam.\n\nIt tells you that you are loading up a game. You feel safe knowing that everything is going totally to plan. So far.\n\nOnly you're not loading up a game. It has already loaded up, and you suddenly realize you're trapped in a horrific loop from which there seems to be no escape.\n\nSuddenly, in the middle of the air, a small black hole opens up above you, and a rickety wooden ladder slowly extends towards the ground in front of you. Everything is totally not going to plan. \n\nOr is it?\n\n1.[[If you want to quit the game, turn to page 314|314]].\n2.[[If you want to climb the ladder, turn to page 413|413]].\n3.[[If you want to break the ladder into stupid broken pieces and lives forever in what has now become a void, turn to page 134|134]].
It's seriously really weird but still really kind of oddly cool the way you can lean back like that as you walk down the sidewalk. Sidewalk is the American word for pavement.\n\nYou have won the game.\n\n[[RESTART (not really)|different]].
Your new environs are... Well, to be quite frank, they're draaaaab.\n\nIt turns out this hole was pretty black from the outside because it's hella black on the inside. Black as a very black thing. Black as... not that. Black as the night. Let's stick with 'Black as the night'.\n\nAs your eyes begin to adjust, you realize that there's not all that much to adjust to in here except for a [[flame|flame]] flickering in the distance.
Slowly and diligently, like such a great little obedient child who doesn't cause a fuss, you climb the ladder and just have a whale of a time doing so.\n\nThe ladder has some seriously good woodwork going on with it. Each rung has been lovingly crafted, and the whole shebang is replete with ornate decoration the like of which you have never seen before in a traditional ladder experience. You're starting to think that you misjudged the whole ladders trend. Maybe you're a ladders kind of person after all, and Best Friend was right? Funny how life works out...\n\n<<display 'ladder'>>
Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.\n\nLife is what you're doing right now.\n\nLife is not that, it's not specific. It's everything\n\nLife is a collection of random events, culminating in a definite event.\n\nLife is The Cloud®.\n\nSign up for Microsoft's The Cloud service today. If you want. I mean, if they have one. I think they have a cloud service. I'm not going to check, but maybe you'll find out. Google has one, and it's called Google Drive. It's not great, in my opinion, but maybe that's because I'm not really familiar with how the whole Cloud situation is working out in the tech industry. I'm willing to learn. I have a Dropbox and a Google Drive, so I'm probably doing something right.\n\nI still usually just email things to myself.\n\n[[RESTART (really)|Start2]].
So you're not the charity sort, huh? I guess I'm a terrible judge of character.
You lose your temper, and quit the game. It offers you a solitary link. And another link, too.\n\n<html><a href="http://twinehub.weebly.com/">QUIT</a></html>\n\n[[RESTART IF YOU DARE|Start2]].
You are now loading up a Twine game from Porpentine's game jam.\n\nIt tells you that you are loading up a game. You feel safe knowing that everything is going totally to plan. So far.\n\nOnly you're not loading up a game. It has already loaded up, and you suddenly realize you're trapped in a horrific loop from which there seems to be no escape.\n\nSuddenly, in the middle of the air, a small black hole opens up above you, and a rickety wooden ladder slowly extends towards the ground in front of you. Everything is totally not going to plan. \n\nOr is it?\n\n1.[[If you want to quit the game, turn to page 314|314]].\n2.[[If you want to climb the ladder, turn to page 413|413]].\n3.[[If you want to break the ladder into stupid broken pieces and lives forever in what has now become a void, turn to page 134|134]].
You slowly pace the 26.2 miles towards the tiny flame. As you eventually draw closer, it occurs to you how bizarre it is that you were able to see a light from so far away. You must have really good vision. Maybe that's why you're the focus of this tale? That's a clever bit of wordplay abouy eyesight, don't worry about it.\n\nIs this burning an eternal flame? Nope, it's a tiny little matchstick that is explicably sitting straight up on the ground. You pick it up, and for whatever reason, you eat it. You are so weird.\n\n[[To carry on with your life, turn to page 97123|97123]].\n\n[[To spend the next few hours shoving your fingers down your throat because you've made yourself paranoid that the sulfur part of the match is going to kill you, turn to page 10|10]].
You walk right up to that ladder which appeared in front of you, and you give it a piece of your mind. If your mind is your fist, that is.\n\nBASH!\n\nWOMP!\n\nBATMAN NOISES!\n\nThe ladder is but a shadow of its pathetic former self. What audacity it had to waltz into your life like that. Shows what it knows, now that you've destroyed it. Ain't no ladders gonna be messing with you from now on.\n\nNow that you're stuck in the void, you realize you're shit out of options. Except for two options.\n\n1.[[QUIT. Turn to page 314|314]].\n2.[[Jump up that gosh-darned hole and see what all the hype about this hole is. Turn to page 61|61]].
I have no idea wha- You have no idea what just happened. You get up and head out onto the mean streets of Greenwich, Connecticut. Connect, I cut. Conneticut. Cunnetteekutt. What is that. It's not even a name, and they don't say it like how it looks. Are there other words like that?\n\nFor definite.\n\nThanks for playing. And watch out for the Mean Street Posse.\n\nHave a great [[life|life]]!
This is a really luxuriant color of red velvet.\n\nYou approach the stage and begin to open the curtain when you figure out that it makes more sense to just step back from this giant cake until it turns into a muffin and then you shove the whole thing into your mouth but as you eat it you hear the sound of a crying child or maybe its an animal or something but its too late and you've already started swallowing the theater and now you cant be totally sure if you just ate a child or an animal or maybe its guilt over derivative ingredients or something or maybe this whole experience is meant to be making you reconsider being vegetarian again maybe that was a good and real idea and it wasnt as stupid as your family made it out to be.\n\nEverything turns into a shark and then it's also someone's birthday or something. You [[wake up|wake]].
Making yourself sick is such an exhausting endeavor. Now that you've collected all those vomit particles in your hair, maybe it's time for a [[nap|dream]].